But it could be a lot worse. I’m so lucky to have a few friends here, some who have really helped me out.
I’ve generally been okay since the move, I think. It’s been tough for me, and there have been a lot of nights where I’ve gone to bed thinking I can’t do this. “This” such as learn this insipid city, be awkward with people on a daily (almost hourly) basis, work at a really brisk, almost thoughtless pace. I never feel like I’m doing most things the right way. I hate asking questions or depending on people because it feels like they think I’m an idiot. Hapless and stupid. And that, above all things, is my biggest insecurity. I’m not an idiot, I’m just not from here. I’m learning and feel like I’m sinking almost every day I’m in New York. And I can’t communicate that to people effectively. And I’m afraid to even try without turning it into a joke or just something to say in passing, because I feel people have no… empathy, I guess. It’s tough. That’s all. I miss driving by large fields of green and traveling down the gulf coast and feeling like I have a sense of belonging. And it’s only been a month. Hah.
I’m on a train to DC and there’s this very distinct old person smell in here. It’s not bad or anything, just distinct. Hm.
do you have a land redistribution fetish
I guess New York is pretty good so far. I’m not, like, dead, so that’s good.
I’ve also definitely lost a little bit of weight since coming here. It’s all the walking and the schlepping and the stairs. Its good, though, I can already feel myself getting stronger and more fit (especially when it comes to stairs). Part of the weight loss comes from being too overwhelmed with my lunch choices (lol this city and food, like.) too. And ya know, saving money in general. I’ve made my money streeeeetch over the last two weeks. I’m sort of proud of myself for that. Usually I flagrantly spend without much thought and then I pay the price later. Survivin’ in the city.
Hahaha, one of the only dresses I brought with me to NY has a big hole on the side at the hem. lolololol poor intern clothes realness.